The 26th

I'm still here. Still alive.

I know it has been a while, but I haven't been in the best shape. I've been...recovering. From an attack on the 26th, just like Robert said would happen. But...it was just It that attacked me. Everything related to that mother fucker hauled ass to get to me, and it almost worked. There were Hallowed, there were mental assaults, and there was...It. It came after me in all It's fucking glory, or power, or whatever you want to call the goddamn thing.

I feel...different, somehow. I took a life. One of the Hallowed came after me and left me no choice, and it's just made me feel so much...different. I feel like I'm not the same, immature kid who first started this journey to live. I don't want to be reckless with my experiments and I don't want to fight this thing in such a way that I leave you guys hanging like I did before. I want to be able to aide, but not die in the process. I feel like I have something I'm needed for now...I can't believe that that poor man I took down deserved what he got. He didn't. None of us do.

So what happened?

The 26th was, quite possibly, the worst day of my life since leaving home. Early in the morning, I was ambushed crossing state lines by a group of Hallowed. That was when I was forced to make a choice; kill one of the Hallowed, of let myself die. Survival instinct kicked in...he came at me, I drew my knife, and then he was gone. I'd like to think I put him out of his misery, but maybe that's just how I sleep at night...whatever works.

Later, I blacked out. I remember a lot of...floating, sort of. I'm almost certain It moved me because when I woke up I was, I think, in a different place than when I passed out. I was definitely half-Hallowed for the duration. I remember getting the memories...of the man I killed...for a short time I think. It was surreal, I'll tell you that, But I managed to fend of It's influence and came to my own senses. I believe that...the Hallowed are conscious, on some level. I am almost certain of that, after my experiences as a half-Hallowed. I'll update with more if I figure anything out.

When I finally saw It...i was half drained, to the point of exhaustion, passing out. It came at me from the forest, I was walking near. It kind of...strutted, like it planned on easily taking me. I think It expected me to be Hallowed by this point. And it just...looked at me. It looked at me with that faceless head of It's, and I stared back...I stared into the fucking face of death and you know what?

I am not afraid.

I have already lost too much to be afraid of this thing.

I managed to break my gaze and run, Operator symbol on my back, and put enough distance between us for It to give up chase. This is my ultimate victory. I survived the unsurvivable, and I'm going to whip back at It with a vengeance. I'm done setting up experiments and learning more about it. It is time to set up traps, and attempt to hurt this thing.

I've heard there are new Sages. That Robert is gone and has become the Guardian. I want you Three, now, to help me while I try to hurt this thing. I've got all the previous Sages' knowledge and understanding of this creature backing me...now I need you to help me. Find new information, perform new experiments, look for whatever is out there. We will beat this. Together.

I feel like we are ready to make a stand. To fight. In Robert's behalf. For the green light. For whatever the hell awaits us after we're done with this lfie of torment and terror.

Let's make a stand. Let's find the Hero.

FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME, GO FUCK YOURSELF! YOU CAN'T GET ME! DOES THAT PISS YOU OFF? I HOPE SO, YOU BALD-ASS SONUVABITCH! YOU CAN ROT FOREVER IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE. HANG ME FROM A TREE, IT WONT DO YOU ANY GODDAMN GOOD. YOU'RE FINISHED, SOONER OR LATER. BAD THINGS LIKE YOU DON'T LAST FOREVER.

bad things don't last forever...

I'm sorry. I don't feel quite myself today, and I had to get that out.

Peace out,
Shaun.

"Come and get me"

I refuse to succumb to that asshole, that monster's tricks. It wants my brain, It's going to have to tear it out of my skull. I am NOT going to become one of those freaks, walking around praising it in place of God. I don't bow to any monster.

I know, you're all probably wondering how the hell I'm still around. So am I, to be honest with you.

That was me posting that crazy message below, and sneidng crazy emails to Jay. Except...it wasn't me. It was It. Whatever that Thing is, It tried to take me over. I've been feeling nauseous and sick the weeks prior, and it's why I generally haven't updated as much as before, or done any experiments. It's been clawing at the inside of my mind, and all my concentration and effort went to preventing it from getting me. Somehow, It still did.

I was hitching a secret ride on the back of some guy's truck in the middle of nowhere when it happened. Actually, the guy didn't know I was in his truck, but I think he'd rather not seeing what happened next.

I sat tehre for a little while, and all of the sudden things got dead quiet. Looked aorund, saw nothing. I figured It must have been there somewhere, but...I couldn't see It anywhere close by, so I relaxed and tried to get some sleep. The instant I shut my eyes, I had a throbbing headache. It was like nails were being pounded into my brain.(This would have been an excellent time to monitor MY brain activity, eh, Jay?) When I opened my eyes up...there It was. Right on the back of the truck with me.

Things get fuzzy after that. I remember the truck tires screeching loudly. I remember the truck swerving. But what i don't remember is ever crashing or even passing out. It was just, one moment we're about to crach and It's looming over me with it's arms outstretched-- the next, I'm waking up in the middle of a forest and there's a laptop and a camera next to me. They're not mine, and I don't remember stealing them during my episode...but they're there.

There was a message on the laptop. It said 'Run.'

I refuse to call it a him any longer. it is not my master, and I feel like, by calling it by name or calling It something like that, I feed into its power-- over me, and over everyone else. I don't even like capitalizing 'It', but it's for clarity's sake. So oh well.

I'm going to start filming my travels with this camera of mine. I want you guys to know how I'm doing, and I want to demonstrate some things that might help keep people safe. You'll see. I've got soem ideas cooking. I plan to up the ante on my experiments. that fucker can't keep me down, and if It things I'm scared of it now, it's got another thing coming. Fucking bastard. Come into my mind and see what happens, why don't ya?

And I guess I can edit my videos with the laptop, haha. I wonder if that's what I intended when I stole them? Or if someone gave them to me for that express purpose...either way, I'm not sure what to do now. I'm still heading East, right now I've found a hotspot to type from.

One more thing before I go. I still want you guys to give me ideas for experiments, and for that, you've got to trust me. So if I don't end my messages with "Peace out", even through email to you or otherwise-- don't trust me. Because I'm not me, not if I'm not typing that. Hopefully, that'll be enough.

Don't let It win.

Peace out,
Shaun.

Pretentious (fuck off an die for this slenderfreak)

this is unacceptable. your insolence infuriates HIM. stop what you are doing. stop what you are doing. stop what you are doing. The Sage walks the path of the Damned. by HIS Damnation. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

(X)

Hah.

(X)

Hah.

(X)
Hahahaha.

pretentious. Give it back. It belongs to US. To take it is to take a part of the Final Plan. This is unacceptable.

You will pay.

Ugh...fuck.

I had a nightmare last night. I'm still feeling its affects. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary-- at first. But it changed, pretty quickly, near the end. I'll wrte about it more coherently when I have time.

I just feel like shit, needed to get that out.

Communication? I dunno, sounds like a bad idea to me.

I feel like I'm being pulled into a game I don't want to be a part of.

To Robert and Jay- You guys have to understand, I'm just a kid here. I want to save people, I really do. But I don't have the experience or expertise to understand half of what you guys are talking about. I'll gladly work with you on this, but I have certain conditions and specifics that we need to discuss. You've gotmy email, Jay, you know how to reach me. I'm still waiting for you to do so, Robert.

To everyone else- I don't think I'll be communicating with Him any time soon. unless I can think of a less dangerous, more practical way of doing so, I wont be attempting the dangerous feat of fucking talking to an interdimensional Thing from somewhere on the Underside of HELL. It was a crazy idea, posted on this blog for the sake of keeping myself sane while I sunk into depression. Sorry, M, for the heart attack.

I want to do a role call, like M has done on his blog. Please, if there is anyone out there, anyone at all in need of help, let me know on thsi blog. Is he following you? Do you believe one of your friends may be being followed? Or are you just interested in getting the fuck out of this mess before it eats you alive like is has so many others?

then let me know i nthe comments section. I can, and wish, to help. More importantly, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to provide you guys with answers. let me know what crazy ideas you guys have, and what information about Him you want. I'll come up with something and I'll try it out, and if I live I'll tell you how it went. If I don't, well...at least I(think) I'm dying with honor.

...

I miss my girl. I really do. I've been depressed as I head east, and I'm desperate for protection. I know I could easily lose myself if I wanted to, but that's not how I live my life. It wasn't before all this, and it wont be now, either. I plan on helping myself and helping others, no matter the cost. It would be easy enough to lack remorse, like jay, or just walk into his arms, like Beth...but I can't do that. That's not me.

Oh, and not to mention, I think he wants to hallow me out. He's tugging at my brain every time He comes around now, and i write symbols any time I get ahold of paper. Goddamn bastard wont take my mind, I swear it. I'll off myself before I let Him.

that's all i got, for now.  Hopefulyl you guys wil lrespond to this, so I can go on more suicide missions! :D YAY!

peace,
Shaun

EVP equipment?

I'm sorry, M, it's too tempting...

I'm going to see if it is possible to communicate or, at the very least, pick up audio from Him which might suggest some form of intelligent thought or feeling on his part. I've got it all planned out, and it wont be nearly as dangerous as the last one. I just need some equipment.

So that's why I'm posting this short update. I need to know from you guys what kind of EVP and audio equipment you would recommend. Nothing complicated, I just need basic supplies. If you can help out in anyway, that'd be great.

Oh and sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I've been travelling around and trying to keep as far ahead of him as possible. I actually met a nice family who took me in for a short while, but...I'll talk about that later.

Peace out,
Shaun